I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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