how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
