eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
