Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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