bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
