I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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