I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my liver is dry heaving
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
