He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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