My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize