I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
