oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
