i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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