i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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