he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can you bring me the toilet please
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
