well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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