Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
