Princesses don't give blow jobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
