There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize