My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You left your phone here
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