how can u be prego again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
