I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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