What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
