you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
