And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
