dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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