I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
