No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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