If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
