She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
