did you get engaged???
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
