I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
