then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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