Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
