I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
...so i touched it.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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