Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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