so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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