I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
