I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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