I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
