Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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