yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
