just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
