i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
