So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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