im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
