I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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