found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
