when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
