Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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