New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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