it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize