i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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