ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
