Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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