Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There r osticjed everywhere
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
