haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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