They should really pass out barf bags in church
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
