What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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