1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
