you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
