I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
