i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
