oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
