Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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