i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
