Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
