I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
